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Monday, October 26, 2015

Are You Being Lied To? A Relationship Puzzle Solver

This is an article previously published on my former blog on March 1st, 2011, edited for this blog. All words are my own.

Relationships are difficult even when they are open and honest. We have disagreements, quarrels and often do not see eye-to-eye on important issues. As long as there is honesty in a relationship however you have a great chance for success in the relationship.

Do you suspect that your mate is lying to you? If so continue reading! Even if you are currently single this article can help you determine if a potential mate is interested by learning simple body language signals.

Are You Being Lied To? Find out!

There are some pretty basic signals you can easily pick up on to tell if a person is being honest and open with you or if you are being lied to.

Now remember we are all different and not everyone is comfortable in their own skin, or in social situations. Some people have different fears and blockages in certain types of conversations but for the most part the following signs are typical for all.

Crossed legs and or arms: 

This is a sign of being in a defensive mode, usually showing the person is closed off to the subject at hand, hiding something or otherwise “protecting” themselves by closing themselves off from you.

Leaning back: 

Granted someone may just be really relaxing and kicking back but if a person changes their posture during a conversation from sitting up right or leaning forward to an abrupt direction away from you this often shows they are shocked, surprised, or otherwise not ready to communicate. They may be pondering their next move, or thinking of what to say next. Often times you will see a person move backward and cross their arms.

Lack of eye contact: 

This is a big one! Not being able to look someone in the eyes is a sure sign of deception! I have known in my days a couple of people who were just really shy who were unable to make direct eye contact until they got to know someone but if you notice this habit does not stop or if they have always been able to look you in the eyes before and suddenly they cannot - then you know you are being lied to. The exception to the rule may be your introverted friend who may never get truly comfortable with prolonged eye contact.

Pulling Away: 

If you give someone a friendly touch or gesture, such as touching their shoulder while talking, or their leg for example and they pull back or stiffen up their posture this is a good signal that they are not comfortable with you and that they may be hiding something.

Inappropriate Laughter: 

If you notice that suddenly your mate is laughing at things that they otherwise would not, or should not this could be a sign of dishonesty. Especially if you have asked them a direct question about a suspicion you have. This need not be an all out belly laugh but perhaps a nervous chuckle or smug grin or even if they make a funny face. Often they will also not look you in the eyes while doing so! 

Many people will laugh when they are nervous. There are even some people who will inexplicably and inappropriately laugh involuntarily when they hear terrible news and it is a scientific fact that laughter can be caused from nerves or shock. 

An appropriate response to you asking your mate if they are seeing others should be love and concern - not laughter at your “silly” accusations! If your mate truly loves you they may be a little set back and even hurt at your accusation but they will want to make sure you feel better and not chuckle or try to make you seem crazy.

Shifting Around While Sitting or Standing: 

Granted not everyone is low key and some people have a hard time sitting still, myself included. so remember if your mate already has the tendency to shift and move around a lot then this is not for you to consider, however for those of you who have mates who normally are quite still while standing or sitting and suddenly they are shifting around you may want to take note!

Clenched Fists or Wringing Hands: 

Again, many people have common nervous traits and habits so your mate may do this already as a normal behavior, like with all of these signals you should take them into consideration and careful examine each one before jumping to conclusions. However, if you notice your mate has suddenly began to clench their fists while talking about serious relationship matters this is a sign of aggression and anger. They are becoming defensive and most likely have something to hide. Wringing hands is a nervous sign and they may be fearful you are getting too close to their secrets!

Tightened or Clamped Jaw: 

Like the clenched fist - a clenched jaw is a sign of aggression and anger. Now with that said this is not proof positive that they are lying. They could just be really angry about accusations being made toward them, however as said before, when someone truly does love you that anger will subside and should be followed with communication and concern for your feelings. Remember if you come at someone yelling and screaming accusations you will make them defensive and angry! The signs we are discussing should only be taken into consideration when you approach your loved with in a calm and rational manner!

Retaliatory Accusations: 

This is my favorite because it is so telling unless you also have something to hide! If you confront your mate and ask them directly if they are seeing someone else, have feelings for another or are lying to you in any manner and they react by accusing you or something similar or completely out of the blue then you can pretty much bet they are hiding or covering something up! Unless you know for a fact your mate has real reason for their retaliatory concerns this is the ultimate in trying to distract you from your valid concerns by throwing out ridiculous ideas of their own.

This can apply not only to our spouse, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, or live mate, but to co-workers, associates, friends, and family as well. People are people as they say. 

Again, never jump to conclusions, everyone has a nervous tick of some kind, and we all react differently to different situations however with some careful study you can usually piece the puzzle together to get a clear picture of if your mate is being honest or deceitful! 

I love comments! Please join in discussion, ask questions, or leave tips for other readers. Comments truly are the driving force behind any blog as it helps the blogger to know what you, the reader want to see more of!

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